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BUTTERFLY:So why doesn’t my  Infinite  I simply download a healthy holographic body for me and take this pain away? It could; I know that. But that’s not the point of the transformation in the cocoon. It’s all about the process, and my process is not over yet. That’s why I don’t want my Infinite  I to take my pain away until I’m finished. I  have  run Robert’s  Process hundreds of  times  on  this  body egg  over  the  last  two years  and  uncovered  a  number  of  judgments,  beliefs  and  opinions.  For  example,  as  a result  of  my  Christian  upbringing  as  a  Human  Child  and  later  beliefs  in  New  Age spiritual  theories  as  a  Human  Adult,  I  judged  the  body  itself  to  be  “bad,”  that  it  was “wrong” – unspiritual – to have a body in the first place. I always thought I’d be better off without a body, that it was more of a hindrance than a gift, something to “rise above,” an indication I had dropped down a level or two from my innately immortal soul. After  my  car  accident  I  gained  a  lot  of  weight  because  I  couldn’t  move  easily  or exercise;  and  eating  good  food  is  one  of  my  great  pleasures  in  life.  Eating  without exercise;  not a beneficial  combination.  So I still carry some  of that extra  weight, and I think of my body as “fat” – and I say that, unfortunately, with shame and as a judgment  and not just a statement of fact. In short, I cannot yet express full and sincere appreciation for my body the way it is, or even for having a body at all. Clearly there are more judgments, beliefs, and opinions for me to process in this egg. I have uncovered some of the fears associated with my body as well. One is the fear that  if I don’t have a perfectly healthy body,  people are going to discount the scouting information I’m offering. I’ve done exactly that myself in the past, especially in judgment of all the celibate “holy men” and teachers and gurus and saints: “How can he talk about world peace when he can’t even create a peaceful relationship with a woman?” So in my mind I hear people saying, “How can he talk about serenity of being if he’s in pain and can’t even heal his own body?” A lot of this also has to do with vanity. I admit I’m vain; it’s one of the layers of my  ego  I  haven’t  fully  gotten  rid  of  yet.  I  have  always  taken  pride  in  my  appearance, probably too much pride. I still like it when people tell me I look ten years younger than I actually am. I had fun signing autographs when I was a “star” drummer in my twenties; I enjoyed being asked for my autograph when I was in my thirties by people who thought I was  Tom  Selleck,  and  then  again  in  my  fifties  by  people  who  thought  I  was  Kenny Rogers; and for years I was sure Carly Simon was talking about me in her song. Another fear I uncovered had to do with dying. When I wrote in the last chapter, “I have no fear of death,”  this is true. Ever since I started believing  in reincarnation  over fifty years ago, I have not feared death; but I was still afraid of dying, still resisted a long, drawn-out and painful death. When my  Infinite I decides I have finished my role as its Player, I prayed, I want to go quickly.

I watched live with great empathy as people jumped out of the World Trade Towers on  September  11  and  fell  one-hundred  stories  to  their  certain  death.  I  could  feel  the choice  they  made  not  to  stay  inside  and  slowly  burn  alive,  but  to  end  it  quickly  and painlessly. That’s how I wanted to go. So as long as the judgments about my body and the resistance remain, the pain will too. I know that;  and even though I have done a lot of work on this body egg, there is obviously stuff left inside to process. In the meantime, I am doing my best to appreciate the  pain,  to  thank  my  Infinite  I for  the  gift,  for  the  opportunity  the  pain  gives  me  to process  all  these  judgments,  beliefs,  opinions,  and  fears,  and  let  go  of  the  associated layers of the ego. I have honestly gotten to the point where I don’t want the pain to leave until I’ve finished processing whatever is there inside the egg. * * In the last couple of weeks, since I started working on this chapter and processing the pain, I have run into one of the most key beliefs about the body, and about life in general: the  belief  in  the  “law  of  cause  and  effect;”  and  it’s  powerful  –  a  very  core  belief  for everyone in this holographic Human Game, it appears. But it’s too early in my process to say much more than the so-called “law of cause and  effect”  is  simply  another  belief  system  formed  inside  the  movie  theater  and  a function of the hologram itself, like space and time. Clearly the diabetes associated with one  of the  multiple  personalities  discussed  in  the  last  chapter  is not  “caused”  by some malfunction in the body, since it disappears as soon as a different personality takes over. However I’m not prepared at this point to give a scouting report on the “law of cause and  effect.”  That,  it  seems,  will  have  to  wait,  and  may  be  the  subject  of  another  book altogether – the final stages of my cocoon. th * * Meanwhile, since I know all pain is the result of judgment and resistance, I have to ask: What am I resisting? Becoming a butterfly? Yes, truth be told, I am. It doesn’t feel like it has anything to do with fear of being a butterfly, however; or at least I can’t see it that way. When I think of being a butterfly,  sailing  around  on  my  beautiful  catamaran,  it  is  a  most  wonderful  picture  full  of excitement  and  joy,  with  no  twinge  of  fear  I  can  find.  I  look  forward  to  it  with  great anticipation. I am also not aware of any lingering fear of non-existence. But just as it’s possible not to be afraid of death and still be afraid of dying, perhaps buried  very  deep  is  the  fear  of  the  final  stages  of  the  cocoon,  of  not  knowing  what becoming a butterfly would mean in my relationship to the people I love – my children and  grandchildren,  most  specifically.  (I  know  they’re  not  “real,”  but  I  love  them anyway!)  Am  I  really  ready  to  let  go  of  everything,  unconditionally,  if  that  what’s required? One  of  the  problems  is  that  other  scouts  who  could  provide  any  clue  of  what  is required  in  the  final  stages  of  the  cocoon  –  especially  in  relationship  to  other  Players whom I care for so much – are few and far between. Jed McKenna doesn’t talk much about family or wife or kids. He mentions having lunch with his sister….

Visiting your sister and having lunch shouldn’t be a confusing ordeal, but it is. Is  she really my sister? What does that mean? We share some history and acquaintances,  such as childhood and parents. Are my parents really my parents? Genetically they are  related to my body, but the person who lived my childhood is no longer here. The past I  share  with  this  person  is  about  as  real  and  important  to  me  as  if  I’d  read  it  in  a  brochure….  I’m  an  actor  playing  a  role  for  which  I  feel  no  connection  and  have  no  motivation….  Actually,  it’s  not  really  confusing.  I  possess  not  the  least  shred  of  doubt  about who and what I am. The tricky thing is that who and what I am is not related to  this  pretty,  professional,  salad-eating  woman  across  from  me…  I  have  some  residual  fondness for my sister and if she died I’d be saddened to think that she was no longer in  the world, but the simple fact is that our former relationship no longer exists. Okay, so  why am I telling you this? Because that’s what I do. I try to hold this enlightenment thing  up for display and this seems like an interesting aspect of the whole deal. How do you  relate to the people who were most important to you before awakening from the dream of  the segregated self?”1 That’s not very encouraging. The last time I saw Robert Scheinfeld he had a wonderful family and what looked to be a very close and loving relationship  with his wife and two children. Then he talked about a “dark night of the soul” that involved his family, so I’m not exactly sure of that  situation. It doesn’t matter, though, because I don’t think of Robert as a scout who’s close to becoming  a butterfly,  as I will explain  in Chapter  Thirty-Three in Part Three of this book. Jesus  may  have  been  a  scout;  he  may  even  have  become  a  butterfly.  I  find  the allegoric symbols of his life, especially his crucifixion (the death of the caterpillar) and his emergence from the cave (his cocoon) three days later, to be fascinating; but that will have to wait until the next book. The point is that all the evidence suggests Jesus had a wife and child; but that after he became a butterfly he never saw them again, since they went  to  the  south  of  France  and  he  went  to  live  (and  finally  die)  in  a  community  in Kashmir.2 There  may  be  other  scouts  who  have  maintained  so-called  normal  family relationships  with  ones  they  loved  after  they  transitioned  into  a  butterfly,  but  I  don’t know their stories. So there is the chance that once you  complete your transformation into a butterfly, real communication with Players in the cocoon or the movie theater is no longer possible, which is why we don’t hear from any butterflies or read their books. It may be that you  have to take the last step in the cocoon on total “faith,” without anyone to let you know  what it’s like, as Harrison Ford did in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when he had to step out from a canyon wall and risk falling into a deep gorge, not knowing there was a camouflaged bridge that would take him across to the other side. (Watch the video here.) So  whether  it’s  out  of  fear  or  excitement,  I  have  to  admit  I’ve  had  the  thought  I would like to postpone my final transformation into a butterfly and stay where I am in the cocoon for a while. Perhaps this is my own thought; perhaps it has been put there as part of a hologram by my Infinite I. I don’t know yet. However,  I  am  excited  and  very  curious  about  a  game  I  see  developing,  if  I’m reading the ripples in the Universe correctly.

I have a lot of friends, and am witnessing many thousands more Human Adults who seem ready to break out of the movie theater and transform into butterflies. The situation in  the  Earth  Environment  also  appears  to  be  getting  more  intense,  like  a  rubber  band being  stretched  to  its  limits  before  it  breaks.  How  much  more  pain  and  suffering  and limitation and restriction is required before millions of Players surrender, understand it is their  own  judgments  and  resistance  causing  that  pain  and  suffering,  and  are  willing  to begin  processing  the  false  knowledge  and  layers  of  ego  that  are  part  of  life  inside  the movie theater? I  think  it  would  be  a  cool  game  to  play  to  see  how  many  Human  Adults  can  be encouraged  to  enter  their  cocoons  and  then  guided  safely  through  their  transformation into  a  butterfly.  Everything  that’s  needed  is  in  place  now  for  a  mass  exodus  from  the movie theater, and the trail has been blazed. There are even some “hints” and “clues” the Earth – itself a Player in the Human Game – might be ready to transform as well. * * There  have  been  experiments  done  with  rats,  putting  them  in  a  water  maze  and observing them finding their way out. It seems “each new generation of rats learned to escape quicker. After ten years, the latest generation of rats could escape ten times faster than the original rats. Interestingly,  rats of the same lineage in other areas of the world also escaped ten times faster, a phenomenon which cannot be explained by any localized instruments.”3 Perhaps I’m simply one of the first generation of rats to find their way to the Pacific Ocean, and perhaps those who come after me will find it much easier and faster. But it means I’m just a rat like  everyone  else; and I don’t want to leave this book without  paying  tribute  to  all  the  rats  who  came  before  me  and  made  my  maze  a  little easier to navigate, and especially to all those other rats who died trying to find their way out of the water. Then,  maybe,  if  Rupert  Sheldrake’s  theory4 of  morphic  resonance  turns  out  to  be correct,  all  the  rats  who  come  after  me  will  escape  ten  times  faster,  without  so  many wrong  turns,  and  this  process  will  spread  throughout  the  world  until  a  critical  mass  is reached and all the rats turn into butterflies. How much fun I have mixing metaphors! * * What’s it going to be like when I finally finish processing the layers of ego with my body? All I can do is speculate, because I don’t personally know anyone who has actually become a butterfly. I know there must be some, but I have no idea who they are. Jed McKenna – whoever he might really be – claims  he emerged from his cocoon and then… “I spent the next ten years trying to make sense of this new world; a non-world in  which  a  non-I  nevertheless  seemed  to  reside.  The  waking  dreamstate.  It  was  like  the  world had turned from hard solidity into shimmering mirage. I could still see the world I  had always known, but I could not find its substance. Whatever I reached out to touch,  my  hand  passed  through.  Whatever  I  thought  about  dissolved  in  my  mind.  Whoever  I looked at, I saw through like vapor, myself included. I looked at my own character, and it  was like a face you see in a cloud for a second before it’s gone. “My reality now is the awakened, untruth-unrealized state, and it’s the same for me  as  for  anyone  who  comes  to  it.  There  are  no  masters  or  novices  here.  There  are  no  teachings or beliefs; no Hindus or Buddhists or Jnanis or Advaitins; no masters or yogis  or swamis; no discorporate entities or higher level energies or superior beings. Awake is  awake. Everything else is everything else.”5 Keep peeling away layers of an onion and what do you have when you get through? Nothing. It isn’t that you peel away the layers and finally get to the onion. You get to the no-onion. The same thing is true for the self. After peeling away all the layers of the ego, you get to… no-self. Jed says it takes about ten years to get used to living as a no-self, to get accustomed to  being  “awake  from  the  dreamstate,”  to  operate  without  false  knowledge  and  a  false ego. I don’t know about that, because I assume he’s talking about living those ten years after  emerging  from  his  cocoon  as  a  butterfly.  First,  I’m  not  certain  it’s  true  he’s  a butterfly;  and secondly,  I won’t know until I get there. I  do know it  is a very different way to live – a very wonderful and joyful and peaceful  and exciting  way to live – and even where I am now takes some getting used to. * * There were a lot of questions I had as I blazed this trail to the Pacific Ocean, and in the next part of this book I want to share some of the answers I came up with based on the information I found along the way. But before I go…. I began this book talking about Plato’s Cave, that a Human Child is like a prisoner who is chained and can only see the wall in front of them; that a Human Child believes the shadows it sees on the wall are real; that when a Human Child realizes it is not really chained at all, it gets up and walks to the back of the cave and sees the fire and the men on the walkway that create the shadows on the wall; that this new Human Adult begins to recognize  that  the  shadows  are  not  real;  and  that  a  few  Human  Adults  will  eventually walk through the door in the back of the cave and out of the cave entirely. Then I switched metaphors and said this Human Adult, once through the door, will enter  a  cocoon,  where  it  will  undergo  a  process  of  transformation,  letting  go  of  its judgments,  beliefs,  opinions,  fears,  and  layers  of  ego  that  it  believed  itself  to  be  as  a caterpillar. I have said I am near the end of my cocoon phase, standing at a point overlooking the Pacific Ocean, poised to become a butterfly,  and that anyone who wants to can join me here. I have achieved this serenity of being by a strong will and determination to find the truth, a lot of hard work, a lot of processing, and a lot of support from my Infinite I. I did it  by  following  my  discomfort  –  physical  and  emotional  –  to  locate  the  judgments, beliefs, and opinions I had formed  during my time inside the movie  theater. I did it by going  further  to  expose  my  fears  and  embracing  them,  especially  the  fear  of  non- existence.  I did it by identifying  the layers of the ego I had created  and throwing them away, one by one, until there is virtually nothing left. I did it by letting go of the self that wasn’t true and finding the no-self that was.

Anyone  who  wants  to  can  stand  where  I  am  standing  now.  Anyone  can  reach  the Pacific Ocean and emerge from their cocoon as a butterfly. I am not special, I am not any “better”  than  anyone  else,  and  I  certainly  am  not  any  more  “enlightened.” “Enlightenment” is a word that belongs inside the movie theater, in the first half of the Human  Game,  since  it  automatically  carries  a  judgment  with  it  –  a  judgment  that  one state of being is better (more “enlightened”) than another. I’m simply near the end of the rollercoaster ride, reporting back to those still going up  the  first  hill  and  those  just  at  the  top  ready  to  take  the  plunge,  trying  to  give  some clarity and some encouragement about the ride to come and how much fun it can be. If you’re still inside the movie theater, my best advice would be to realize it’s just a game, that it isn’t real, and – now that you know the true source and reason for all your  drama  and  conflict  and  pain  and suffering  –  to  let  go  of  your  resistance  and  relax  and learn  to  appreciate  and  enjoy  every  moment  of  every  experience  you’re  having. Remember you’re on a rollercoaster, and that going up that first hill is an essential part of the ride. The more you resist that hill, the more needless pain and suffering you will have. If you’ve walked out of the movie theater and are starting off in your cocoon, hang on for the ride of your life; and if you meet me on the road, it means I’m still playing the “scout.” So kill me6, and then go further.

FOOTNOTES 1. McKenna, Jed. The Enlightenment Trilogy – Back to reading 2. Baigent, Michael et al. Holy Blood, Holy Grail – Back to reading 3. Jeffrey, Scott. Hypothesis of Formative Causation (Morphic Resonance) – (Note: I cannot verify this report because I cannot find the original Harvard study.)  – Back to reading 4. Wikipedia – Rupert Sheldrake – Back to reading 5. McKenna, Jed. Id. – Back to reading 6. Dae Kwang. Kill the Buddha – Back to reading

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