COMPASSION

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CHAPTER 32

COMPASSION

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compassion:This whole model seems to me a very selfish way to live. Where’s your heart? Where’s your compassion for the pain and suffering of others? Answer: I have no interest in justifying or defending “selfishness.” I will leave that up  to  people  like  Robert  Ringer  (Looking  Out  for  #1),  Ayn  Rand  (The  Virtue  of  Selfishness),  Bud  Harris  (Sacred  Selfishness:  A  Guide  to  Living  a  Life  of  Substance), David Seabury (The Art of Selfishness), the Hellers (Healthy Selfishness: Getting the Life  You Deserve Without the Guilt), and Mahatma Gandhi (“Be the change you wish to see in  the world.”) As for my heart, it is as open as it has ever been. As you drop all judgments, beliefs, opinions,  and  fears,  your  heart  can’t  do  anything  except  open  wider  and  wider  and  be filled with love and appreciation for the perfection of everything, and especially love for your own Infinite I. But compassion is a very different story. It’s true compassion is the new spiritual buzzword, perhaps helped a lot by the Dalai Lama.  Like  “judgment,”  compassion has  been  made  to  seem  “right”  and  proper  and  a “good”  thing  to  have.  In  fact,  being  compassionate  has  become  the  hallmark  of enlightenment and the most important trait a “good” person  must have, in the same way “judgment” has become a symbol of intelligence and reason. But let’s find out what compassion really means…. “Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.”1 “Sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.”2 It should be clear by those definitions that compassion belongs in the first half of the Human Game, inside the movie theater, and not in the second half. Why?  What’s  “wrong”  with  compassion?  Nothing  is  “wrong.”  That  would  be  a judgment. But compassion as it is defined (and practiced) automatically leads a Player to judge the experiences of someone else as “bad” or “wrong,” to think they have the power to  change  that  person’s  reality,  and  to  entertain  the  wish  to  do  so;  and  none  of  that  is possible or appropriate in the second half of the Human Game. It also inevitably leads the Player  who’s  trying  to  be  compassionate  into  frustration,  sadness, and  sometimes  even despair; or, in other words, it leads further into limitation and restriction. Therefore, by its very nature,  compassion is not part of infinite  joy.  It also doesn’t feel like joy; it actually feels “bad” to identify with someone else’s pain and suffering. In fact, we’re  supposed to feel “bad” for someone else if we’re compassionate (“I feel bad for  them”).  The  synonyms  given  in  the  dictionary  for  compassion are  “pity”  and “sympathy.” I doubt anyone would suggest “pity” and “sympathy” feel joyful. In a meeting of the intentional community in Tamera, a young man from Israel stood up  and  announced  his  recent  revelation  that  his  only  job  in  life  was  to  be  happy. Everyone  cheered, and a feeling of joy and excitement  and enthusiasm filled the room.

Then a young woman stood up, the daughter of the guru, and admonished everyone not to forget all the pain and suffering of others. The bubble in the room quickly burst. Try to recall right now what it feels like to be compassionate. Does it feel like joy to  you? You can do the same thing with jealousy, for example. Does it make you feel loving to feel jealous? Does it make you feel expansive and powerful? Does it make you feel all warm and fuzzy like love does? In the same way that jealousy cannot be part of infinite love, compassion cannot be part of infinite joy. It’s as simple as that. The only way compassion could make you feel “good” is because you think by being compassionate, you’re being a “good” person. * * But there’s more to talk about. Let’s really dissect this thing called compassion, since it’s become such a big button in the first half of the Human Game. Remember  that  the  holographic  experiences  you  perceive  are  not  “real,”  and  that your  Infinite  I is  creating  your  own  reality.  Remember  also  that  the  people  you  see  in your  holograms  – the  “other people”  – are actors playing  a  role  for you  and reading  a script  word-for-word  written  by  your  Infinite  I.  Think  again  about  the  analogy  of  our holographic universe to a total immersion movie, created as an “outer experience” to give you and your Infinite I an “inner experience.” Whatever you perceive, then, in your “reality” is being played out for you – for your experience, for  your benefit – by actors, like a movie or a play. If you went to a play at your  local  theater,  there  might  be  an  emotional  scene  where  some  character  you  cared about was killed, or maimed, or raped, or tortured, or starved, or displaced, or abused. If it’s  a  good  play  with  professional  actors,  a  convincing  script  and  perfect  scenery,  you should  “feel”  what  the  writer  of  the  play  wanted  you  to  feel  –  anger,  frustration, sympathy, sadness, pain, regret, grief, sorrow, or a whole host of other emotions, none of which come close to joy. But that’s what the play was designed to do. Then after the play, you go next door to the bar for a drink; and there, by chance, are the  very  same  actors  you  just  watched.  But  they’re  very  much  alive,  healthy,  happy, unscathed, enjoying a beer and joking around with the rest of the troupe. When you see them  there  in  the  bar,  would  you  feel  the  same  emotions  for  them  you  did  during  the play? Obviously not. You would probably feel a little silly expressing compassion for the actor you had just watched starving that is now sitting in front of you eating peanuts and popcorn. You might even go over and thank them for what a great job they did and for the experience they gave you, telling them how deeply you felt for them during the play, and then joining in their celebration. The “reality” you see “out there” as the physical universe is a movie – a fantastic 3-D total  immersion  movie  in which you  play a part. But nothing else is different  from the play or movie you just watched. Everyone you see in your “reality” is part of a hologram and is playing a role your  Infinite I has asked them to play and which they’ve agreed to perform at a professional level. When that role is over, they get up from the battlefield, or the  hospital  bed,  or the  slums,  and revel  in  the  good job they did  to  convince  you  the characters they played were real. They gave you a gift of a powerful experience, which your  Infinite I wanted and created. But don’t confuse things and start to think the scenes they acted out were anything more than actors playing temporary roles at your Infinite I’s invitation. Another big problem with compassion is the part that makes you want to “relieve” or “alleviate” someone else’s suffering. Frankly, although it’s cloaked in a very acceptable social veneer, it is the height of arrogance to think we know better than their own Infinite  I what experiences another person should be having. Even Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” He didn’t say, “Go out and change the world into  the way you wish to see it,” or “Go out and change other people’s experiences into the way you think they should be.” In  the  same  way  you  trust  your  own  Infinite  I to  create  the  most  appropriate experiences  for  you,  we  can  trust  the  other  person’s  Infinite  I to  create  the  most appropriate experiences for them, regardless of how those experiences look to you or me on the surface. In  fact,  there  is  no  other  Player  who  appears  in  your  holographic  reality  whose situation  is  your  responsibility  to  change.  Nor  do  you  have  the  power  or  authority  to change it. Their experiences have been as carefully chosen for them by their Infinite I as yours have been for you.  It’s time we respect that, and respect and trust the choices of other  Infinite I’s as well as our own, and not think we know better what they should be experiencing. Besides,  this  desire  to  “relieve”  or  “alleviate”  someone  else’s  suffering  cannot  do anything but produce frustration and anger and depression, since you have no power to do anything about it. All you will do is try, and most times fail and feel worse in the end. This is why compassion is such a limiting concept that belongs strictly to the first half of the Human Game. * * “You  never  change  things  by  fighting  the  existing  reality.  To  change  something,  build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” – R. Buckminster Fuller * * The concept of compassion, by its very nature, tends to make us ignore this wisdom and fight against what we see happening in the world. Many peaceworkers, for example, take up the slogan, “Say No to War and Violence.” But the mere act of thinking or acting against war and violence because of compassion is, indeed, fighting the existing reality. “But wait a minute!” you  protest. “Are you  saying I should do nothing when I see another’s pain and suffering in my hologram? Are you suggesting I sit back and simply watch  while  a  child  gets  beaten,  or  a  woman  raped,  or  people  die  from  starvation  or disease?” Absolutely not. That’s not what I’m saying at all. But rather than compassion in the first half that can only lead to more limitation, empathy (rather than sympathy) and ethics and  excitement  will  determine  your  reaction  in  the  second  half  of  the  Human  Game. Here’s what I mean…. Once you  have run the Process on those holographic  experiences you  encounter as you start the second half – any time you have felt discomfort with someone or a particular situation – you will view those incidents of pain and suffering that might come into your hologram very differently.  But there is something extremely important to remember: as long as you feel discomfort – and that includes the discomfort of  compassion – you are still  assigning  power  “out  there”  and  there  is  still  judgment.  Only  when  you  can  see someone else’s pain and suffering without the judgment it is “bad” or “wrong” or “needs to  be  changed,”  can  you  cleanly  take  any  action.  Then  you  are  free  to  follow  your excitement and joy in any specific circumstance. For  example,  I’m  often  asked  what  I  would  do  if  a  hologram  popped  up  where  a child was being beaten in front of me. I honestly cannot give you a generalized answer, because so much of it depends on the situation. But my own ethics might lead me to want to  do  something  about  it,  since  I  am  the  caretaker  of  the  holographic  experiences  my Infinite I has created for me. Maybe I would step in between the adult and the child, and inform the adult I do not judge what s/he is doing, but I request s/he beat me instead of the child, and I would not resist. However, that’s just one possibility.  Under no circumstances would I judge what was going  on  as “right”  or “wrong,”  or “good” or  “bad,”  nor  judge  the  actors  playing their  parts,  nor  think  I  must or  should change  the  action  itself.  But  right  now  I  can imagine  my  personal  feeling  of  excitement  and  joy  would  be  to  prefer  to  be  beaten myself  than  to  watch  the  child  being  beaten.  I  would  also  never  strike  back  or  try  to defend myself. Neither would Mahatma Gandhi, as he proved time and again. Okay.  That’s  a  particular  individual  situation.  What  about  the  millions  of  people starving in the world, those getting killed and maimed every day in countless wars and other violence, those who are homeless and hungry and sick – which is a fair number of the Earth’s population if we watch and believe the TV news? What about them? “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” Gandhi said. So here’s another tough concept…. In  spite  of  all  the  pain  and  suffering  we  are  shown  “out  there,”  our  only  job  as  a Player in the second half of the Human Game is to “reclaim” the power we assigned “out there” in the first half, and take the rollercoaster ride back to infinite joy, infinite power, infinite wisdom, infinite abundance, and infinite love. It is solely our responsibility to live our own reality. In fact, when our holograms include pictures of pain and suffering “out there,” it is primarily because our Infinite I is trying to show us where we assigned power in the first half and give us the opportunity to “reclaim”  it. These holographic images  of pain and suffering are not for us to do something about them, but about us as individual Players to do something about  us. Put simply, someone else’s pain and suffering that finds its way into  our  holograms  is  an  opportunity  to  leave  judgment  and  compassion behind  and explore a new way of feeling and acting. Remember what we said about “other people” in Chapter Twenty-Four…. “Other people” serve three main purposes in your holographic experience: 1. To reflect something you think or feel about yourself 2. To give you the gift of information or insight 3. To set something in motion to support you3 This  includes  all  the  “other  people”  who  you  are  now  judging  to  be  in  pain  and suffering; and nowhere on that list does it say “other people” serve the purpose of having you “save” them from their experiences.

Along the way, however, we will start to feel excitement inside – excitement that is prompting  us  to  do  something.  So  if  I  see  someone  else  in  pain  and  suffering  in  my hologram, and I do not judge it or fall into the trap of wanting to change it, I might find it totally joyful and exciting to take some action anyway. What  if someone  in  my  hologram  asks me  for help?  I give it  gladly,  as long as it brings me total joy to do so – without judgment or discomfort – and as long as I have no expectations of the outcome. Please  don’t  get  me  wrong.  I  am  often  touched  on  a  very  deep  level  when  I  see someone in my hologram in pain or suffering, and I will give my help if asked if I can do it without the intention to fix, change, or improve things. But I also know it is impossible for  them  to  be  a  victim,  just  as  it  is  impossible  for  me  to  be  a  victim,  of  anyone  or anything  “out  there;”  so  I  offer  my  support  in  any  way  I  can  while  they  have  such  a difficult and limiting experience, because I know they are playing in the first half of the Human Game. This is really no different than giving encouragement to someone on the first hill of the rollercoaster, supporting them in any way possible to “Hang in there!” This may be a crude example, but it’s the best I can think of at the moment. Someone calls out to me from the rollercoaster going up the hill. They say they’re getting sick and need help. I will do everything in my power to get to them, bring them a barf bag, hold their  hair  back  while  they  get  sick,  offer  them  some  encouraging  words,  or  give  them whatever  assistance  I  can  at  the  time.  What  I  won’t do  is  judge  their  experience  as “wrong,” or that it should be different and needs to be changed, or sympathize with them, or pity them, or try to get them off the rollercoaster. I’ve been there; it doesn’t feel good, and I know it. I also know the experience  they’re  having has been carefully chosen for them by their own Infinite I, and it is perfect for them at that moment. After all, they can’t ride the rollercoaster without going up the first hill. * * There’s  an  old saying  in  the  recovery business  that  an  alcoholic  will  not  quit  until they’ve  had  enough  to  drink.  A  Course  in  Miracles says,  “if  your  brothers  ask you  for something, do it, because it doesn’t matter.”4 So if your alcoholic “brother” asks you for a drink, exactly what is the “compassionate” thing to do? According to recovery principles and A Course in Miracles, maybe it would be to give them the drink they ask for, rather than judging and trying to change the experience they’re having because you know what’s best for them. There  is, of course, a natural  desire that  all  the  Players  we meet  in our holograms  experience the same joy and power and abundance and love we have; and when we see someone  else  in  our  hologram  not in  that  condition,  we  can  easily  wish  something different for them, and want them to join us in the joy and power and abundance and love of  the  second  half.  But  what  we  can  not do  is  to  judge  their  situation  to  be  “bad”  or “wrong,” or even that our situation is “better” than theirs, and then try to do something to change their circumstances. Many years ago I gave up the idea of trying to “save the world” or even end war on this planet when I realized war had been a very valuable experience  in my own life (if nothing else, to show me who I was not and how I did not want to behave); and “who was I  to  try  to  limit  other  people’s  experiences  who  might  benefit  from  the  same opportunities.” Today I am excited about finding out how to download other frequencies from  The  Field  (as will  be  explained  in  Chapter  Thirty-Six)  that  create  a  peaceful  and harmonious life on Planet Earth, but without any judgment that all people should live that way, or that the way other people are living now is somehow “wrong.” * * The  point  the  young  Israeli  man  was  making  in  Tamera  was  that  rather  than becoming bogged down in someone else’s pain and suffering, and feeling that pain and suffering himself, he decided his only job was to “be happy” – to provide others with the hope and the inspiration and the model of how their lives could be different. I seriously doubt those in pain and suffering want us to join them in their misery.  I don’t think they want us to “pity” them or “feel their pain.” I think, instead, they would prefer for us to “be happy,” so they know it is possible for them as well. Therefore, rather than compassion in the second half of the Human Game, we follow our excitement and our joy and our passion, and take whatever actions we feel moved to take  in  relationship  to  our  holographic  experiences,  as long as there  is no judgment  or discomfort involved. After all, the world doesn’t need to be saved. It’s perfect exactly as it is, down to the smallest detail. Saving the world, as wonderful as it may sound on the surface, is not only the height of arrogance  in  thinking  you  know how the  world  should  be, but also one  of the most  clever  temptations  the  ego  –  Maya  –  has  come  up  with  to  maintain  her  power  and existence. I realize there is a lot of social pressure to be compassionate these days; but, in fact, this whole compassion thing is one of the greatest lies that keeps people inside the movie theater, for the simple reason that focusing on compassion for others keeps Players from looking at themselves. As long as your time and attention is tied up trying to alleviate the pain  and  suffering  of  others,  you  will  never  have  what  it  takes  to  process  your  own judgments, beliefs, opinions, and fears. Instead you will hang on for dear life to this layer of the ego – this identity you are not – called “compassionate.” (If you  jumped here from Chapter Sixteen, “Judgment,” you  can go back to where you were reading by clicking here.)

FOOTNOTES 1. American Heritage Dictionary – compassion – Back to reading 2. Merriam-Webster Dictionary – compassion – Back to reading 3. Scheinfeld, Robert. Journey to the Infinite home transformational system – Back to reading 4. A Course in Miracles, p. 206 – Back to reading

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